Years ago, once upon a time, a young boy known as Wheelie got himself some brand new pets. A couple of guinea pigs.

And now, the present day: The spawn of that original pair have gone on to be multiplied in great numbers, now serve as the backbone unpaid labor of the conglomerate known as FredCo. Versatile in their skillsets and applications, the guinea pigs can be used in just about any situation, from medical aid to mechanical labor to test subjects to door-to-door marijuana salespigs.

There are two known variants of these guinea pigs, their lines bred from and named after the original two progenitors: the more prolific and unusually long-tailed “Pikablu” males, who form the vast majority of the workers, and the less-seen and more skilled “Pikachu” females. Exact numbers of this work force are unknown, as their rapid breeding and numbers lend themselves to being treated disposably by FredCo management.

But they don’t mind. They’re not exactly rocket scientists. Unless they are, of course.